Expressing Views and Opinions
Definition: Expressing personal views and opinions succinctly and supported by reasons relevant to the situation.
'Expressing Views and Opinions' is part of what is commonly known as 'Basic Assertion', which you use when you want to simply and clearly let someone know what your view or opinion is on a subject.
When carried out most effectively, the statement is short, concise and not repeated.
Words
The verbal aspects of this style include:
- 'I think'
- 'I believe'
- 'In my opinion'
Supported by reasons why.
Be wary of:
- Framing as a question
- Expressing the negative views
- 'Attacking' the other person's opinion
Music
Clear, firm, strong
Dance
Grounded, firm, eye contact
Stating Needs and Wants
Definition: A clear statement of what you need or want from a situation or other individuals.
Words
- 'I want'
- 'I need'
- 'I expect'
Music
Clear, strong, even
Dance
Grounded, eye contact, balance
This behaviour is often found to be the most difficult to use successfully. We are often discouraged from an early age to ask for what we want.
It is, however, an obvious and often successful way of obtaining a desired result.
It is often used most effectively when combined with other behaviours, particularly 'Giving Views and Opinions'.
For example, "I feel we've been talking for too long . . . I want to have a coffee break for 15 minutes."
Sliding scale of demands:
- Ideal
- Fall-back
- Walk away
Using Incentives and Pressures
Definition: Making it clear to somebody how they will benefit from carrying out the actions you propose and the consequences of not doing so.
Words
Start with 'I want' statement.
Incentive:
'If you ..... I will .....'
- must be in your power to give
- must be desired by the other party
Pressure:
'If you don't ..... , then I'll .....'
- must be what will really happen
- usually the last attempt to influence
Music
Clear, firm, strong
Dance
Grounded, firm, steady eye contact
Active Listening
Definition: Listening very carefully and attentively to the speaker (the 'acid test' is that you should be able to paraphrase without notes) and demonstrating that you are listening.
Words
- reflect data
- reflect feelings
- summarise
- interpret
Music
Measure your tone and pace to the speaker's mood
Dance
Open gestures, maintain eye contact, tilt head to one side
Problems:
- withholding your views
- compelling desire to advise
- carrying 'baggage'
- speaking v thinking
Drawing Out
Definition: Developing a greater understanding of others' positions.
Words
Start with Open Questions:
Go on, if necessary with Probing Questions:
'tell me more'
'go on'
- goal is to increase understanding
- other party shouldn't feel pushed
- be wary of 'why' questions
- avoid multiple, leading questions
Music
Encouraging, enquiring, matching
Dance
Matching, head tilted, open stance
Building on Common Ground
Definition: Exploring the other person's position and highlighting where there are similarities with your position.
Words
'I have had a similar experience'
'I believe in the same principles'
'I dream of doing the same sort of thing'
Music
Matching tone and pace with the speaker
Dance
Open gestures, matching speakers lead, encouraging movements: nodding, head tilted
This behaviour focuses on similarities not differences. Having realised there is some common ground, allowances are often made for mistakes or misunderstandings.
'PULL' to find it.
'PUSH' to build on it.
May exist at different levels:
